While being a person of multiracial or “mixed” background can be highly idiosyncratic, there are some common
themes across experiences. Knowing some of these commonalities can provide support to parents, family members,
teachers and others who want to understand what mixed-kids in a racially obsessed society might go through.
These examples are drawn from my life and from my conversations with other racially mixed people over the years.
1. Racially mixed kids may be “read”
differently depending on who
they are around.
My eight year-old son is Guyanese, Japanese and
white. Among his nearly all-white classmates, he’s
perceived as a dark-skinned boy. The color he
chooses for self-portraits drawn in school are always
two or three shades darker than his actual skin color.
On his all-black basketball team, he’s called the
light-skinned team member. Among my husband’s
Puerto Rican family members he looks Puerto Rican.
Sitting next to me, it’s clear that he’s part Asian.
While my son can’t fully process these racial identity
realities yet, this ambiguity, this fluidity, is a common
experience among racially mixed people. To borrow
from W.E.B. Du Bois’ notion of “double
consciousness,” many racially mixed people learn to
see themselves through their own eyes and through
the eyes of others.
2. Mixed kids may look different
over time and may need to
actively assert all parts of
themselves to others.
At birth, my son’s hair was dark and straight, his
skin was light and his eyes were almond.
Looking at my newborn son, my first thought
was that I’d given birth to my late Japanese
grandfather. Eight years later, my son’s hair is full
of bouncy curls, his skin is caramel and his eyes
are wide. Today his middle name is the most
evident trait he shares with his great grandfather.
3. Mixed kids may be treated in ways inconsistent
with the way they see themselves.
As a mixed race Japanese and white woman, my own features have
changed over the years. In the first grade a white classmate
confronted me at recess, pulled the outside corners of his eyes
wide, and sang, Chinese, Japanese, Your Knees, My Knees. I
thought to myself, why would he sing this to me? Are my eyes
slanted? In retrospect, I did look Asian at the time, but I hadn’t
developed an Asian identity then.
4. Mixed kids usually benefit from affinity group experiences.
An affinity group is a group of people who share a set of experiences, identities, or goals and meet to
discuss them.
As an educator who teaches about social justice and race-related issues, I’ve participated in many
conferences about race over the years and had opportunities to be in mixed-race affinity groups.
There is a powerful feeling of affirmation I experience in multiracial affinity groups that allows me to
feel proud of who I am when connected with other mixed people. Kids who participate in supportive
mixed-race affinity groups are also likely to feel pride and joy in who they are.
5. Maria P. Root’s “Bill of Rights for People of Mixed Race Descent,” or a
version of it, can be affirming for mixed-race kids.
Maria P. Root is a multiracial clinical psychologist and educator who has written seminal work on multiracial
identity. I was first introduced to her research at an event put on by a community group for multiracial Asians.
Root has identified and validated the shared experiences of mixed race people through her research and
created documents to empower us. Her “Bill of Rights for People of Mixed Race Descent” is one such
document.
Sharing the Bill of Rights with my son and “translating” it into kid-friendly language and sentiments, making it
his and our own, was an immensely helpful exercise. It might be helpful for your mixed-race kid too.
You can find Dr. Root’s original Bill of Rights for People of Mixed Race Descent here and our (shorter) version
below:
Bill of Rights for Kids of Mixed Race Descent
- I have the right not to be bullied about who I am.
- I have the right to be what I say.
- I have the right to not be teased about who I am.
- I have the right to call myself what I want to call myself.
- I have the right to be friends with whoever I want.
- I have a right to look differently than my sisters or brothers, and that’s okay.
